My parents both grew up in the countryside of south Taiwan and they didn’t have much music education and never learned how to read music. They thought it was a great thing for me to be able to learn playing an instrument.

My mom was pretty excited about me learning the piano. She felt like she was also learning it at the same time. She used to attend all my lessons the first three years and took notes, however, I have no memory of her practicing with me at home.

She said there were no tricks to make practicing easier. She would bribe or threaten me and my dad said there was “no dinner” until I finished practicing!

The worst argument was choosing college majors…My dad preferred me to be a music education major instead of performing arts.

My mom always felt encouraged from the teachers but also afraid that she couldn’t really help me much down the road because of her non-musical background. In a way I think it made me independent early on, because I am solely responsible for all the work I had to do. It’s very rewarding for my parents to see me performing on stage. They think as long as I love what I do, everything is worth it.

Holiday Piano Recital

Hello everyone!

I have been really fortunate to have had the opportunity to teach at Silver Music over the years, mostly because the families that come in and out of those doors are incredible! Through my “Faculty Feature” I hope to share with you a little bit about my upbringing since it differs from the typical Suzuki one. Overall, I hope students will realize that your teachers were kids once too (and cool!) and can sympathize with just how hard it is to learn an instrument and grow up at the same time. For parents, I hope you realize that the challenges you may face through your child’s musical journey are normal, you are not alone, and to keep pushing through the fights and frustrations because it’s all part of a process in which the fruits of your labor will yield incredible, exciting, fun, and meaningful rewards! (Please keep in mind any advice I may offer is just my own personal opinion and experience – for whatever it’s worth!)
Enjoy! Reenat Pinchas

Why did you start music lessons?

Growing up we had we piano in the house that basically served as an old piece of furniture collecting dust. My mom tried to get my brother and sister to play but they were more into numbers and facts not music and art. In a way, I kind of felt like I grew up as an only child because my siblings were in college when I was a kid, so my home life consisted of me, my mom, my dad, some pets, and the piano….and what did I do??? BANG BANG BANG on the keys until one day my mom said “I can’t take it anymore!!! You need to start taking lessons so at least your banging will sound pretty!!!” And that’s how it all began……

How did you feel about taking lessons?…Plus a brief history of my instrumental journey!
I was 6 years old when I began playing the piano. I was soooo excited to start taking lessons! I had the nicest teacher whom I adored. Her name was Esther and she was young and pretty with super long blond hair which seemed like the coolest thing to me at the time. I progressed rather fast and had to move to a more advanced teacher after about 2 years. Her name was Ruby and I remember being scared at first because she was the total opposite of Esther! She was an older woman with white hair and lived in a creepy looking house with an old dog and lots of cats – but never judge a book by it’s cover! She was an amazing teacher and ended up being an incredible force of inspiration throughout my musical life. I never forgot about Esther though – when I was in 5th grade I played at her wedding as she walked down the aisle 🙂

Ruby also happened to be an opera singer and my mom thought that starting voice lessons could be the perfect cure to my love for singing! In fact I was somewhat of a rockstar (in my own mind!). I sang in the shower, into a hairbrush, wherever I could (like many of you I’m sure!). I’d even make these music videos pretending to be Michael Jackson, New Kids On The Block, Salt n’ Peppa (yes I’m thaaaat old!…) I began vocal training and learned the proper techniques of how to make music when your body is your instrument. I learned classical opera arias, as well as Broadway show tunes, popular songs,  Disney songs, and as time went on I participated in leading roles in local musicals, shows, choruses, and rock bands. The reason I am including so much of this here is because my diverse musical upbringing helped shaped me into the type of musician I am today.

It wasn’t until I was 8 years old that I started playing the cello in my local elementary school with another devoted teacher named Cheryl who was a gift to the musical education system in our local community. I didn’t know much about it except for the fact that my mom had an old record of Jacqueline du Pre in the house. I thought the violin was really squeaky, the bass was just too darn big, I didn’t know what a viola was, so I said “OK I’ll try cello!”  I remember the day we got our instruments, I was in 3rd grade, a really small kid (in fact most say I haven’t grown much since!) and was handed this giant cello that was waaaaaay too big for my size. It was an ugly dark brown color, all beaten up with scratches everywhere (not like the nice shiny ones you all get!) (See picture) but to me it was the greatest thing ever. My mom still laughs when she remembers me coming off the bus carrying this enormous thing on my back! I unpacked it as soon as I got home and grabbed the bow and started sawing away at this old out of tune instrument – it must have sounded terrible (come on, you guys did it too!) but it was so much fun! With time and practice, those scratches eventually blossomed into real notes….

Did I always like to practice? If not, what tricks made practicing easier?

NOOOO!!!!!!!! In fact, I HATED practicing! Don’t get me wrong, I loved playing all my instruments and making music and having fun but I hated the act of working in detail to fix things and repeating passages over and over. On the cello, I especially hated that I had to practice playing in tune which was a new concept for me since I was so used to the piano which was always in tune!

I also didn’t grow up in a Suzuki world so I was always an independent practicer. Although my parents supported my musical education, they didn’t practice with me or help me through it. Their support lied mainly in exposing me to the arts – always taking me to concerts, museums, the philharmonic, broadway shows, art exhibitions, and listening to classical music. That meant I largely had to motivate myself. Even though practicing sometimes seemed worse than going to the dentist, I was so in love with being on stage. The trick that helped make practicing easier for me was when I had a goal. When I had something to practice for – a recital, a talent show – then practicing wasn’t a chore anymore, it became fun because I knew how good it felt to give a great performance and I always strived to recreate that feeling.

My funny practice story: 

Here’s a funny story that I tell to some of my students when they get frustrated: I used to be quite a temperamental child and I would throw tantrums if I couldn’t play something correctly. I was young and working on my first piano piece that had a Left Hand cross over. Every time I tried to play it, I would land on the wrong note. I practiced over and over and every time wrong wrong wrong! I would scream, cry, yell, punch pillows, and one time I got so mad that in my fit of rage I bit the piano! Yes, you read that right, I literally took a bite out of it! To this day directly over middle C there are 2 little teethmarks! (See picture). Every time I tell this story kids find it so funny and suddenly all of their anger transforms into laughter. A lesson learned that a wrong note is not the end of the world! When you can’t get something right sometimes the best practice is to laugh it off and try again the next day.

Were there times you wanted to quit? 
NEVER! Even in moments when I hated my instruments (or bit them) I never wanted to quit. It brought me too much joy, led me through too many awesome experiences to give up on it. It’s kind of like having a brother or sister that you can get really mad at but underneath you always love them no matter what 🙂

What was the most helpful thing your teacher ever told you? 

I am lucky to have had incredible musical role models throughout my entire life. Here are two things that have stuck with me from teachers I worked with in my adult life – one personal, the other musical.

“You can not be the greatest musician if you are not your best self first” -Bonnie Hampton, our “cello mama”

“You must play every note with all your heart and all your soul otherwise it is a note wasted.” -Lynn Harrell, our “cello papa”

How did you know you wanted to become a musician? 

My father was a paratrooper in the Israeli Defense Forces and when I was 17, I received a letter drafting me to serve in the army. My teacher at the time was a young Israeli woman named Chagit who despite being a sergeant in the military was able to maintain her musical abilities by playing in the Israeli Army Orchestra during her service. Everything was leading me in that direction. Music was something I always loved to do for fun but I never really considered making it my profession. I was in my senior year of high school and on a whim I decided to audition for Juilliard – I told myself that if I got in great and if not I would put on a uniform. I practiced really hard and I was accepted. If I hadn’t been, I’m sure I’d be telling a very different story.

How did music education affect your life?

Music has taken me on a journey around the world. I began performing internationally when I was 13 and over the years I have traveled to over 50 countries across 6 continents (someday I’d love to go to Antarctica and play for the penguins!) Whether I was visiting the birthplace of Bach and Beethoven or trekking barefoot through mountains visiting a village of indigenous tribes, as a kid growing up, this was my best education. Being immersed in cultures that were so different than mine, meeting people from such diverse backgrounds who speak a completely different language, yet sharing the common connection of music and being able to communicate and find commonalities through music was incredibly inspiring to me. I learned to be open and broad-minded, tolerant, understanding, communicative, empathetic, and I developed skills for effective ways to work together. I share this so your kids will know the power of music. I share this so your kids will know that the Minuet they have been struggling with for weeks can lead to so many possibilities and opportunities for their future which is nearly impossible to see in the moment. Whether or not you choose music to be your profession, these experiences exist and can have a impact on shaping not only the musician that you are, but the person that you are.

Was there a point when it became clear to you that it was all worth it?

Sometimes playing an instrument can feel a bit lonely. We practice by ourselves, have lessons by ourselves, perform in recitals by ourselves. Sometimes we play in an orchestra or a chamber group and the bond of playing together feels amazing. But in general, it’s not a team sport, you don’t have a whole defensive line backing you up at all times. In a way, there is a greater sense of satisfaction accomplishing something all on your own. I love what I do because it makes people “feel.” Feel anything! Happy, sad, transformative, hopeful…People turn to music in good times and bad times – to enjoy and also to heal. That to me is powerful. That is more rewarding than playing a perfect concerto. Whether it’s putting a smile on someone’s face for a fleeting moment, or making someone reminisce of their loved ones through a melody, or giving someone the educational tools to create a better life for themselves by opening the doors to their future, the most rewarding feeling in the world is knowing you made an impact on someone’s life and I know it’s worth when I can measure the effect I have on others.

Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

At a certain point in my upbringing, more opportunities presented themselves for me as a cellist like playing in orchestras and chamber groups and by the time I was in high school, the cello took over my life. When I entered college, everything became strictly cello all the time. I attended a conservatory that was very intense and I felt pressured to conform and become like everyone else by focusing all my efforts into one craft. I stopped playing piano, I stopped singing, and I stopped playing/listening to music that I felt was so uniquely me. I worked with the most incredible artists in the classical industry but no matter how much success came my way, I always felt like something was missing. In retrospect, I would have preferred to go to Juilliard for my Master’s Degree instead of my Bachelor’s Degree at a more mature phase on my life where I could have been better prepared for the challenge of balancing school and life in such an intense environment. After many years, I eventually realized how much giving up on those creative sides of me negatively impacted my happiness and my career. Classical training led me to be technically proficient and so well versed in the ability and freedom to play all styles of music effortlessly. When I did find the courage to open that side of me back up so many new and super cool opportunities came my way like performing with world famous pop stars, being featured on a multitude of tv shows and recordings, and being on stage for audiences over 90,000 people! My life now is more similar to when I was a kid in terms of musical diversity and I feel very fulfilled because I am able to express myself in different ways. *Never feel pressured to put yourself into a box if you don’t belong there. Always be creative and be unique!*

What advice would you give to students who are just starting their musical journey? 

• Don’t compare yourself to others.
• Whether you believe it or not, your parents want the best for you and are there to help you succeed.
• Even though you may think nobody understands you, we really do! We’ve been in your shoes and know how hard growing up is!
• Slow Practice = Fast Learning.
• TRUST your teachers! We’ve been doing this a loooong time….
• Listen to the pieces you are playing. You will learn them faster.
• Expose yourself to all kinds of music, not just the ones your teacher assigns.
• Be creative! Try new things!
• Experiment on your instrument – even if it sounds weird!
• Perform a concert in your living room for family, friends, relatives, pets, or stuffed animals.
• Play in a nursing home or homeless shelter – it will mean so much to the people there and you will feel really good.
• Be honest! You are not fooling us when you say you practiced but really didn’t. (Secret: we always know the truth anyway!)
• It doesn’t matter what song you are on, or what book you are on, it matters how well you play whatever piece you are working on.
• Impressive to me is playing a Book 1 piece with great form and great tone – not a Book 4 piece sloppy and messy.
• Don’t be shy to tell your teachers if you have thoughts of quitting – we won’t be offended and can help you through it or explore other options – if we know!
• Practice Charts aren’t for babies – they are useful and helpful!
• If I still begin my warm ups playing open strings, so can you!
• Sometimes the boring stuff leads to the really cool stuff.

What advice would you give to parents who are just starting their musical journey? 

• Everyone is different. Every child, even every sibling are so uniquely themselves which means that everyone’s needs are different.
• Give space for your child to be independent.
• Don’t play the same instrument as your siblings – sometimes it works, most often it doesn’t!
• If you are a musician, don’t try to teach your child!
• When searching for a teacher, older doesn’t necessarily mean better. Some of my greatest have been young spring chickens!
• Not every teacher is the perfect fit for every child. Not every child is the perfect fit for every teacher.
• Be adaptable. What works one day may not work the next.
• Books and studies are there to help in parenting but the right way to do things is ultimately whatever works for you.
• Be patient! Everyone learns at their own pace and that is the right pace!
• Find the perfect balance of being strict and relaxed.
• Treat your munchkins as little people not little kids.
• Play practice games when your kids are young, but as they mature, limit the “incentive” practicing. Let them want it.
• The beginning of your child’s musical journey is so important. In my opinion, it’s the time that’s most important. You want it to be fun, positive, inspiring, exciting, and educational. How many friends do you know that quit their instruments growing up because they had a mean, wicked teacher and now regret it in their adult life? If you add it all up, your teachers spend so much time with your kids, it’s amazing how much of an impact they have on them. It’s wonderful to find a person who is a great teacher but it’s even better to find a teacher that is also a role model and friend.

Pictures:

1 – My old ugly big brown cello!

2 – The infamous piano BITE!

 

 

I was born in Belgrade, capital of Serbia. Although they were always listening to a music in my house, my parents were not musicians and actually no one in my surroundings played any instrument. I always loved music, and when I was very little I used to sing a lot. I knew all the pop and kids songs, and I used to bug my younger brother to sing with me every night. One time my dad decided to make a home video of us singing in duet, and we still have it. I was about 7, my brother 4 years old.

The first time I heard piano live was in kindergarten. Our teacher used to play for us as a fun activity, and we used to draw music depicting what we heard. But I still wasn’t interested in playing until my next door neighbor got a keyboard. Hearing him play for me was like a magic. I just wanted to have the same toy. It took me about a year to get my parents to buy me keyboard, and for a birthday I finally got it. I started picking up tunes by ear myself and only after about a year my parents decided to find me a teacher.

Because no one wanted to teach keyboard, they took me to a music school. I was 10 at the time, and the school told them that I was too old to start the program. The only possibility was to try to finish two music school grades and take tests in one year (music school in Serbia has six elementary grades). I did that, and I was lucky to end up with the most wonderful piano teacher. Her name was Ljerka Vukelja. I studied with her for 6 years before I enrolled a special music high-school. .

What were your thoughts about starting lessons? Were you excited? Anxious? Confused?

I was very excited and very confused. Especially when we started learning notes and symbols. For a whole year I thought that a sharp sign (#) is a pedal mark, so I remembering being upset because my keyboard didn’t have a pedal. I had a very small keyboard, only two octaves. Later I got one with four, and finally an upright piano. That was the most exciting event that I can remember.

What was the most helpful thing my teacher ever told you? Least helpful?

I had many teachers and it is hard to say what was the most helpful thing. Least helpful were certainly some mean comments I got from some–that is never useful to hear.
Sometimes, things they said were great advice but at the time it was the most difficult thing for me. Usually they were telling me to be patient, play slower, and pay attention to notes on the page, but that was all very hard for me. I loved to play by ear and improvise if I couldn’t remember how the music went.
In the recent years the most helpful advice I heard was to ask myself a question – would I like to go to a concert to hear myself play? I think about that often and it helps me improve.

Were there times you wanted to quit? Were there times my parents wanted me to quit?

There were so many times I wanted to quit, but I’m glad I didn’t. There were times when my friends were having fun, calling me to go out and play sports with them, and I had to practice at home. There were also times when I practiced a lot, but didn’t perform well or win at a competition. Those were all very tough times.
There were times my parents wanted me to quit, because they saw my disappointments many times (after some performances, auditions…) and how much I was practicing for that. They were also worried that in Serbia I wouldn’t be able to find a job in music, but I never had a problem with that.

Did you always like to practice? If not, did you have any tricks that made practice easier?

Until today I haven’t met anyone who likes to practice the same music every day. In fact, I don’t think there is a thing that someone can do every day and not feel bored after some time. If you eat your favorite food 3 times a day, after a week or two you wouldn’t want to eat it anymore. That said I was always trying to find a way to entertain/challenge myself – play with my eyes closed, or in the dark, shift hands to a different positions, turn major into minor (and opposite), compete with myself by not allowing a mistake, or rewarding myself in some way.
One famous pianist said that the musician is as good as he/she can entertain oneself while practicing.

Was there a point when it became clear to you that it was all worth it?

From the beginning playing piano made me feel good, and different, in a special way, and gave me a tool to be creative as an introvert. Somewhere around sixth grade I decided that this was something I wanted to do and I started practicing much more. In Serbia, you kind of have to decide very early in order to get into a special music high school. There you have around 10-15 music classes per year (beside other subjects), and piano lessons twice a week. Things get serious very quickly, so there is not much room for changing your mind. Luckily I never doubted my choice.

How did music education effect the rest of my life?

Practicing piano taught me that good things don’t come easily, that hard work pays off and not to ever give up. I learned how to be patient (the hard way) and I learned about self-discipline. That helped with many other things.

What’s the worst fight you remember having with your parents about music?

Well…there were many, but at one point in high school I was spending more time playing pop music than classical for my school program. My teachers were not happy, neither were my parents.

Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

I wish that I had listened to my teachers more, now I realize that all of them were just trying to help me to improve. I was always a bit stubborn and spent too much time having to do things my way, often without good results.

This month’s issue features our new violin/viola teacher, Molly, who began studying privately at age 4 with her mother, Lisa, who is a violinist. Molly interviews Lisa and her father, Mort, about growing up in a Suzuki household.

What was the reason I started lessons?

Mort: Your mom made all of you (you and your brothers) start lessons at a very early age

Lisa: You started lessons because we had a house rule that all three kids would begin in a Suzuki program when they were about 4 years old and had to continue with their instrument of choice through the end of High School.

What were your thoughts about starting lessons? Were you excited? Anxious? Confused?

Lisa: You were pretty excited. Always looking to perform anywhere and anytime including the living room.

Mort: Since you were the second child, you playing a string instrument was just part of the construction of our household…. That did not keep me from saying – oy, how many hours is this going to take out of my life, how much more is it going to cost me… oy…

What was the most helpful thing my teacher ever told you? Least helpful?

Mort: You were taking violin lessons from Steve – and your mom had you playing some music on viola at the high school… You brought your viola in to Steve to have him hear you – and he immediately without hesitation told you to switch to viola.

I don’t remember any least helpful…

Were there times I wanted to quit? Were there times YOU wanted me to quit?

Mort:I really don’t remember a time that this ever even came up in conversation or attitude. (Nor would it likely have been a choice!!) But, you played french horn so beautifully in the high school band that I thought for a moment that you should switch to horn.

Lisa:You never asked to quit but there were some times it was quite difficult to get you to practice, especially around 7th grade.

Did I always like to practice? If not, did you have any tricks that made practice easier?

Lisa: Practicing is not fun for anyone and you were no exception. When you were little, M&Ms helped. Setting small goals and playing duets etc. helped a lot.

Was there a point when it became clear to you that it was all worth it?

Lisa: It was always worth it! I loved it when you were little and just as much as you got older! I remember being especially proud when you first performed your Twinkle Variations at the Blue Lake Suzuki Institute.

Mort: Many – when you won the concerto competition at Eastman, When you graduated from Juilliard, when I found out you were subbing in the pit for a Broadway musical. I am reminded on a daily basis that this is your destiny.

What’s the worst fight you remember having with me about music?

Mort: I don’t think we ever had any fights about… your mother on the other hand, that is a different story.

Lisa: I don’t remember any big milestone fights but I DO remember that because you were so difficult around 14 you had a year with no lessons as long as you continued to participate in an orchestra and occasionally work with me at home. My goal was just to keep you engaged and not go backwards until you grew out of whatever your adolescent attitude issues were. Seems to have worked. ☺

Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

Mort: In general, life is so short. I tried not to miss very many (if any) recitals, concerts, etc., when the kids were growing up. But you know, when they are 5 years old, you blink and they are in graduate school. I think I payed reasonable attention to what was going on… there is never enough time to spend with your children when they are young – but every minute needs to be cherished… I am very grateful.

Lisa: Considering our finances at that time, both parents working and you had siblings to share time and expenses with, I think we all did what we could do at that time. If I had to do things differently I would have preferred a better quality instrument for you and more time to spend engaged in all arts.

What’s the best time you remember having with me surrounding music?

Lisa: One of THE MOST FUN things I loved and still love doing with you is performing in the living room. Trading parts, sight-reading, laughing at (mostly my) mistakes and having a great time. Music with my own kid is pretty spectacular.

Mort: I think that every time we have attended a concert or musical or opera, I love love love watching the look on your face when something is done so beautifully. You have a very real appreciation for art and talent and it is so cool to watch you react… even to this very day!

I started playing the violin just before I turned four. I grew up in Nebraska and went to a Montessori pre-school on a farm called Prairie Hill. Prairie Hill happened to have a Suzuki violin program there and when I heard the other kids playing these 1/16 size violins I begged my parents for lessons. They rented my first violin and I immediately fell in love with the instrument.

Before we jump into the interview, you should know a few things about my parents. My mother is a professor of Creative Writing and amateur flutist and my father is a professor of Actuarial Science, which is risk analysis, and knows nothing about music. My parents divorced when I was five. My mother moved to Illinois for three years before returning to Nebraska and my father stayed in Nebraska. I would travel between each home every other week and had two different Suzuki violin teachers—one was a very kind, sweet teacher and the other was a strict Chinese teacher who picked me up and turned me upside down for yawning in my very first lesson. Both parents made me practice almost everyday but they approached my violin studies from very different directions. My mom saw music as “fun” and we would often jam together while my dad took a much more analytical and disciplined approach to my lessons stressing repetition (“you must play this song five times with no mistakes”) and sometimes making me play with the CD to which I would exclaim “But dad! It’s too fast!!” My parents also come from very different cultures. My mother is American born and of German descent while my father is from Guyana, South America. My mother had a more relaxed mindset towards child rearing whereas my dad was incredibly strict. These opposing forces in my life lead to an incredible balance of discipline and artistic expression.

What were your thoughts about starting lessons?

Mom: At first I didn’t want to, I thought “this is going to be a big time investment.” And it sure was. But you so badly wanted a little violin, so we gave in. Watching the Suzuki method unfold, I was struck by the genius of it. You were learning a paradigm for learning. Whether your kid is going to be a musician or not, all kids need to learn how to learn.

Dad: I thought it was a great idea. I never had the chance to study music—well once I had the chance to take math or piano lessons. I went with math. I didn’t know kids could do violin. At Prairie Hill [a Montessori Pre-school], they had a Suzuki violin program. it was fortuitous that the violin was part of the education at your pre-school.

Did I always like to practice?

Mom: You never objected. I never had a problem getting you to practice. You were 3 years and nine months when you started. At the beginning, you would practice 3-5 minutes. But then I discovered that if I played the flute or piano with you, you would play 30 minutes or so. It was a lot of playing for a little kid. Because you were playing so much, you progressed very quickly. We would work on lesson stuff and make-up our own things. When you hit book five, the material was too tricky and I had to stop playing with you. By then you were highly self-motivated, you didn’t need me to play with you any more. I remember when you jumped from 30 minutes of practice to an hour a day. It was a huge leap. You were maybe nine or ten years old.

Dad: You were always disciplined. Practice wasn’t like “let’s have ice cream” [laughs]. We did it everyday. You didn’t always want to but we made you. Once you got tired, you would shut down. You would make lots of mistakes. But you always tried.

What kind of practice habits did we have?

Mom: When you were little, 4 or 5 we didn’t really have a schedule. It was whenever we got around to it. When you were a bit older it was usually right before dinner. However, it did become tricky with all of your homework and after school activities! But we made sure to practice everyday.

Dad: We would practice regularly and usually more than was recommended. At least 30 minutes a day. After we got divorced, I made daily practice part of the schedule and you practiced sometimes more than 30 minutes a day. Your teacher wasn’t very demanding but she was very nurturing. It was very important for you to have her in your life. I don’t know anything about music, but I do know that music is mathematical. I was teaching the fingering, the mechanical things. That’s what I was doing. I never learned to play Twinkle as they recommend in Suzuki. I thought it was silly. I tried to in whatever way I could ask you to bring emotion to the music. I didn’t know how to do this technically but we always had that emotional element in your practice.

Was there a point when it became clear that it was all worth it?

Mom: Yes, You had a recital. After the recital, this woman came up to us and said “she has such musicality.” It was one of those moments when someone named something that I was on the verge of knowing about you. The way that you played, there was so much passion. Not all other kids played that way. You were probably ten years old.

Dad: I never expected this to become a career. I wanted you to get something I never had. This was about discipline. I was preparing you for medical school. I thought you would become a physician and play violin on the side. Music was something I missed in my life. All I can play is the stereo [laughs]. I know I would have been a good musician if I had the chance, so I wanted you to have that opportunity.

Is there anything you wish you had done differently? 

Mom: No. I think we did everything right. I didn’t have a plan for you to become a musician. I was taking you to all these lessons and music festivals not expecting you to be where you are today. Your dad and I played integral but different roles. Your dad pushed you to take musical opportunities (such as studying at Interlochen when you were thirteen) while I was more of the nurturing and supportive role. It really worked.

Dad: I wish I had saved up more money [laughs]. Your musical training has made me understand America and racism. The biggest shock in your musical journey was how people saw you. You never got the acclaim and applause that you should have when you were growing up. People couldn’t hear what they should hear; and couldn’t see what they should see because you didn’t fit their stereotype. As a foreign born black person, this was the first time I saw the obstacles black Americans face.

What advice would you give to parents who are just starting their Suzuki journey? 

Mom: Learning any new skill is very hard. Be prepared for the difficulties and challenges. It isn’t easy. If you play an instrument, play with your child. Even if you aren’t very good, just make music with your child. I would also say, if your child wants to quit I’d suggest to stick it out. Don’t let them quit. There is a lesson in sticking to something. One thing I never encountered with you was the desire to quit.

Dad: Consistency is the most important thing. Be consistent with your child and demand that the child take practice seriously.

Any memories you’d like to include? 

Mom: When we went to your first fiddling contest. At home we just figured out how to fiddle. I love bluegrass, Bill Monroe, and the Stanley Brothers. We messed around at home, figured out some tunes, you went to the competition and won first place. What was clear was who was self-taught and who had training. Even then your musicality came through. You were this little black girl on stage, in this plaid dress blowing everyone out of the water!

Dad: When you would have recitals, I was sweating. You would be calm and I was sweating. You’d think I was up on stage [laughs]. I’d be a nervous wreck.

 

I was fortunate to have my Grandmother living up the mountain (that’s what we say in southwest Virginia). She was a professional violist and music teacher. From the moment I was born she would play music and sing with me. There was a box of music instruments (rhythm sticks, triangle, bells, etc…) that we would play with every day. Kind of like Ready Set Play classes! When I was 5 she decided it was time to sign me up for piano lessons. I was never offered a choice about what instrument to play. A few years later I heard the Elgar cello concerto performed live and begged to play that instrument. I was drawn to the deep voice and the idea of playing with an orchestra. When my constant begging continued for more than a year, I was granted permission to study both instruments on the condition that my piano practice would come first. Well, we know how that turned out. 🙂

Unfortunately I was not able to get answers from my grandmother to all of these questions, though she could remember a few things to include. Most of this interview is coming from my Dad.

Q: What were your thoughts about starting lessons? Were you excited? Anxious? Confused?

A: My music education consisted of playing clarinet in the high school band. When your Grandmother told me she wanted to sign you up for piano lessons at age 5 I was surprised. But I knew it would be a good opportunity for you.I had no idea where you would take it! I was just thinking piano lessons couldn’t hurt you…

Q: What was the most helpful thing my teacher ever told you? Least helpful?

A: You were so lucky to have an amazing Suzuki school where we lived in Virginia. (Side note–Ellen actually gave a masterclass there!!) I can’t remember one specific thing, but I remember your teacher gave us many goals for each practice week which helped a lot. The semester reports (pictured below) were also helpful because it gave us perspective on how much work you really did accomplish. Some days the progress is so slow it’s hard to see the bigger picture!

Q: Were there times I wanted to quit? Were there times YOU wanted me to quit?

A: As you got older, yes. I never wanted you to feel like you were forced to do it. There were times you would say “why can’t I just be a normal teenager.” But every time I gave you the option to quit you wouldn’t do it.  All the way to the point when you needed to pick between music conservatory or engineering school.

Q: Did I always like to practice? If not, did you have any tricks that made practice easier?

A: No, Kayla! No one always likes to practice! Cookies made it easier.

When you were in high school there were times when you found balancing music and schoolwork quite difficult and frustrating. You were extremely motivated through your quartet and chamber orchestra and I think that carried you through so many of the difficult practice days.

Q: Was there a point when it became clear to you that it was all worth it?

A: As long as it was something that you wanted to do, I always felt it was worth it.  Not that there weren’t difficult days of practice, but I never felt that you truly did not want to do it.

Q: How did you see my musical education as affecting the rest of my life?

A: I think it did a lot to promote responsibility, organization and sense of commitment. Music taught you at an early age that it required work to make something happen. It didn’t just come because you held your hand out.

You also had so many opportunities through your music. Your first plane ride was for a Suzuki institute. Your first international trip was for a chamber music festival. Your first trip to New York City was to play at Ground Zero with the Irish National Youth Orchestra.  And that is only naming a few of the many opportunities you had.

Q: What’s the worst fight you remember having with me about music?

A: There were many tears, many meltdowns. Many birthday parties you had to arrive late for or sleepovers you couldn’t do. Summer vacations included practice time. I can’t think of a worst fight, but it was hard to stand my ground about making practice a priority. But I’ve watched you become an adult and be able to make those decisions for yourself. I like to think that some of your discipline and work ethic comes from the difficult moments we spent in your childhood. Doing the thing you want vs. the thing you need to do is a very hard lesson to learn.

Q: Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

A: I probably regret not pushing you to go to Walnut Hill School for high school.  You were too scared to make that choice yourself and I was not anxious to send my little girl all the way to Boston at 14. But I think it would have provided you with many more opportunities than we had in Virginia.

Q: What’s the best time you remember having with me surrounding music?

A: Your concerts at Point Counterpoint chamber music camp in Vermont.  Those concerts were the most enjoyable ones I ever listened to.  And taking the road trips up there and back! Actually all the trips we took together for your music activities were so much fun. I can say I’ve been to so many cool places because of trips your music took us on.

A: From my grandmother: You had worked so hard with you duet partner for the annual piano duet recital. She was sick that day so at the last minute I got on stage with you and performed. I was so nervous! My hands were shaking. But I had such a fun time getting to perform with you. Your piano teacher wrote me a beautiful note the following week.

 

 

I started violin at what my students consider to be the ripe old age of 7. I was not a Suzuki kid but rather took “traditional” lessons and studied at the New England Conservatory Preparatory School. Although no one told us about the Suzuki Triangle (student-teacher-parent), my mother was a huge part of my violin studies and attended lessons as my note taker and practice partner until I was about 12. Here’s a brief Q and A with my mom where she talks about some of her memories of my violin journey.

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Q. What was the reason I started lessons?

A. Because you wanted to. When your brother started trumpet you wanted to play an instrument too and the only instrument I knew that was small enough was a violin. I told you that and you immediately said you wanted to play violin. I thought, yeah, sure, that won’t last. But you asked me for a month nonstop, “when are you going to find me a violin teacher?” so I finally took it seriously…

Q. What was the biggest misunderstanding you had about how the lessons/practices would go?

A. I didn’t know that I would be so involved. And I didn’t know there would be tears. So many tears.

Q. What was the most helpful thing my teacher ever told you?

A. She told me a lot of helpful things that were really about life. She told us that in every piece there is a part that takes much more time to master than any other part and I think about that often– there are aspects of every challenge in life that will take longer to overcome than others. It’s to be expected and accepted. Also, when I asked her why you had to play in recitals instead of just playing “for yourself” she explained that music is to be shared and we always have to think of an audience and how to help the audience enjoy the music. She was very clear that you should always be playing with the musical interpretation you want to express or else you’re not really practicing.

Q. Were there times I wanted to quit? Were there times YOU wanted me to quit?

A. More than once when you were in tears I would tell you that you could quit and you would sobbingly say, “no, no! I don’t want to quit!”. Looking back, I think the temper tantrums were really frustration over difficulty rather than any desire to stop playing the violin. What you really were hoping is that I could somehow solve your difficulties, which, unfortunately I could not.

Q. What helped us through those times?

A. Nothing I can think of now, other than talking to other parents and learning that at least some of them were going through the same thing– I had thought we were alone and that no one else could be having these same kinds of struggles. Knowing we were not alone was very helpful.

Q. Did I always like to practice?

A. No, you didn’t like to practice. But you would. You had a clear understanding that you could not improve without practicing. At the time I was trying to learn how to play guitar and I recall saying to my cousin, who is an accomplished guitarist, “I don’t want to practice, I just want to be able to play guitar”. He looked at me as if I were crazy and said, “everybody wants that!” For some bizarre reason, I had thought that was an unusual desire…

Q. Was there a point when it became clear to you that it was all worth it?

A. Yes, absolutely. Many points. There was never a time I thought it wasn’t worth it as much as I had questions. I think I always saw a value that just because clearer and clearer. The discipline and focus you learn is invaluable. And the experience of playing in orchestra was really a highlight. The value of making music together with others was always clear to me. When I look back on my childhood my school band memories are among my happiest and you were obviously the same– you thrived in orchestra.

Q. How did you see my musical education as affecting the rest of my life?

A. It was invaluable. Particularly in adolescence to have a focus outside of yourself is crucial. Your brother also took music lessons [trumpet] and did not become a musician, or even pursue it after high school, but the experience was nevertheless invaluable. Plus, it brought me a huge amount of pleasure!

Q. Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

A. Yes. I wish I had found a way to be more peaceful and not get so engaged in struggles during practice.

Q. What’s the worst fight you remember having with me about music?

A. Oh man… there isn’t any one that stands out. But there were definitely some very unpleasant times– when I was near tears myself. I wish I had done a better job of helping you.

Q. What’s the best time you remember having with me surrounding music?

A. There were lots of good times. I think orchestra was definitely a really lovely time. Everything about that experience including the driving [one hour each way every Saturday, even on holiday weekends!] was a great time to have together. In fact, sharing all of your music experiences, including learning how to interact positively with some very demanding teachers, were really meaningful times to have together. Then there were all the concerts we attended together and the recordings we listened to and studied. I didn’t even like solo violin when you started…and now the violin repertoire includes some of my most favorite music. Your musical experiences definitely enriched my life, no question about it.

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Here I am, age 10 or 11, practicing while my mom video taped. Things start out ok but you’ll soon see how I react when I can’t get the sound I want. Mom must have encouraged me to slow down and the next section is pretty successful until… you’ll have to watch and see. But I kept working, through the frustration, and it didn’t sound half bad by the end!

Helping you navigate your child’s musical journey and stay on course throughout all of the many ups and downs of the trip is a core part of our school’s mission. While everyone’s journey is unique, many of the wonderful and challenging aspects of music study are familiar and shared by all of us who have traveled this path. This year we will be sharing a series of articles featuring our instrumental faculty and highlighting the struggles and joys they shared with their parent partner as they were growing up and studying music. This month’s faculty feature is on our director, Ellen Silver.

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It was interesting to talk with my mom about what it was like being the parent of two Suzuki kids 35 (!) years ago and see if it can offer us any guidance as parents of music kids today.   I was not a “typical” Suzuki kid, as I started cello at school in fifth grade when a string instrument was offered to every student.  I chose cello because my younger sister in 1st grade had been chosen by lottery to play Suzuki violin in a new program, and I didn’t know what the viola was!  So that left the cello.  I learned to play simple songs pretty quickly through the traditional approach of reading notes, although my bow hold and playing position were pretty terrible, as pointed out by my Suzuki cello teacher who I started with beginning the following summer.

How did music impact our family’s life growing up?

Music was the focal point of our family life growing up.  With classes for both my sister and I, we spent almost every day of the week at either lessons, group classes, recitals, or orchestra or chamber music rehearsals.  My mom said that many of her happiest memories of our childhood are of the musical things we did together as a family, such as the four summers we drove from St. Louis to Steven’s Point, Wisconsin for a week-long Suzuki institute that we spent all summer reviewing and preparing for, to the years of special winter weekends and Saturday recitals, waiting to hear our friends perform our favorite advanced pieces.  As we got older, youth orchestra became a very big deal, with my mom bringing home the recordings of the pieces we were learning from the library and playing them for us for weeks.  A huge highlight was getting to see the Japanese tour group of Suzuki students play in Powell Symphony Hall in St. Louis.  We were all in awe as we heard the advanced pieces played by such young kids all in matching outfits!

What was it like having two kids in the family studying music?  How did you  find time to fit in practicing with us?  When did we practice and how did we manage to keep it up with all of our schoolwork?  

My mom said it was really wonderful having two kids playing different instruments.  We competed for her attention every night after dinner when we both got up from the dinner table and grabbed our instruments, jockeying for a turn to play for her.  The natural competition between us worked to keep us playing for a long time, taking turns back and forth while the dishes sat on the table and my mom listened and mostly praised us for our efforts.  Then, of course, we also loved to take each other’s instruments and try to play the pieces that were unique to each instrument.  This is how I learned the second part to the Bach Double and my sister learned Breval Sonata and annoyed each other in the process as only siblings can!  I also remember standing next to my sister with a tennis racket and chopstick, shadowing her violin playing exactly with all of the correct string crossings and bow levels…. so much fun, I wish we had a photo of that!

How was I to practice with?  Did I take your suggestions well?

My mom and I both remember that she was very encouraging of my playing and reminded me of what we had worked on in my lesson from her spiral note pad that she took notes on during our lessons.  I mainly remember her pointing out that my bow was almost never on “route 3” as it was usually drifting over the fingerboard.  I hated to be reminded of this, but it is surprisingly one of the things I still have to pay attention to in my playing today to get a really ringing sound.  I also remember that I didn’t like to be told to fix or focus on something WHILE I was playing, because I felt like I could never hear exactly what my mom said and just wanted to finish the part of the piece I was playing first and THEN find out what she was telling me to work on. This is something I struggle with as both a parent and a teacher, how to stop myself from interrupting when kids (especially my own!) are playing to give a suggestion that feels like it can’t wait….

More of Ellen’s story coming soon…