I was fortunate to have my Grandmother living up the mountain (that’s what we say in southwest Virginia). She was a professional violist and music teacher. From the moment I was born she would play music and sing with me. There was a box of music instruments (rhythm sticks, triangle, bells, etc…) that we would play with every day. Kind of like Ready Set Play classes! When I was 5 she decided it was time to sign me up for piano lessons. I was never offered a choice about what instrument to play. A few years later I heard the Elgar cello concerto performed live and begged to play that instrument. I was drawn to the deep voice and the idea of playing with an orchestra. When my constant begging continued for more than a year, I was granted permission to study both instruments on the condition that my piano practice would come first. Well, we know how that turned out. 🙂

Unfortunately I was not able to get answers from my grandmother to all of these questions, though she could remember a few things to include. Most of this interview is coming from my Dad.

Q: What were your thoughts about starting lessons? Were you excited? Anxious? Confused?

A: My music education consisted of playing clarinet in the high school band. When your Grandmother told me she wanted to sign you up for piano lessons at age 5 I was surprised. But I knew it would be a good opportunity for you.I had no idea where you would take it! I was just thinking piano lessons couldn’t hurt you…

Q: What was the most helpful thing my teacher ever told you? Least helpful?

A: You were so lucky to have an amazing Suzuki school where we lived in Virginia. (Side note–Ellen actually gave a masterclass there!!) I can’t remember one specific thing, but I remember your teacher gave us many goals for each practice week which helped a lot. The semester reports (pictured below) were also helpful because it gave us perspective on how much work you really did accomplish. Some days the progress is so slow it’s hard to see the bigger picture!

Q: Were there times I wanted to quit? Were there times YOU wanted me to quit?

A: As you got older, yes. I never wanted you to feel like you were forced to do it. There were times you would say “why can’t I just be a normal teenager.” But every time I gave you the option to quit you wouldn’t do it.  All the way to the point when you needed to pick between music conservatory or engineering school.

Q: Did I always like to practice? If not, did you have any tricks that made practice easier?

A: No, Kayla! No one always likes to practice! Cookies made it easier.

When you were in high school there were times when you found balancing music and schoolwork quite difficult and frustrating. You were extremely motivated through your quartet and chamber orchestra and I think that carried you through so many of the difficult practice days.

Q: Was there a point when it became clear to you that it was all worth it?

A: As long as it was something that you wanted to do, I always felt it was worth it.  Not that there weren’t difficult days of practice, but I never felt that you truly did not want to do it.

Q: How did you see my musical education as affecting the rest of my life?

A: I think it did a lot to promote responsibility, organization and sense of commitment. Music taught you at an early age that it required work to make something happen. It didn’t just come because you held your hand out.

You also had so many opportunities through your music. Your first plane ride was for a Suzuki institute. Your first international trip was for a chamber music festival. Your first trip to New York City was to play at Ground Zero with the Irish National Youth Orchestra.  And that is only naming a few of the many opportunities you had.

Q: What’s the worst fight you remember having with me about music?

A: There were many tears, many meltdowns. Many birthday parties you had to arrive late for or sleepovers you couldn’t do. Summer vacations included practice time. I can’t think of a worst fight, but it was hard to stand my ground about making practice a priority. But I’ve watched you become an adult and be able to make those decisions for yourself. I like to think that some of your discipline and work ethic comes from the difficult moments we spent in your childhood. Doing the thing you want vs. the thing you need to do is a very hard lesson to learn.

Q: Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

A: I probably regret not pushing you to go to Walnut Hill School for high school.  You were too scared to make that choice yourself and I was not anxious to send my little girl all the way to Boston at 14. But I think it would have provided you with many more opportunities than we had in Virginia.

Q: What’s the best time you remember having with me surrounding music?

A: Your concerts at Point Counterpoint chamber music camp in Vermont.  Those concerts were the most enjoyable ones I ever listened to.  And taking the road trips up there and back! Actually all the trips we took together for your music activities were so much fun. I can say I’ve been to so many cool places because of trips your music took us on.

A: From my grandmother: You had worked so hard with you duet partner for the annual piano duet recital. She was sick that day so at the last minute I got on stage with you and performed. I was so nervous! My hands were shaking. But I had such a fun time getting to perform with you. Your piano teacher wrote me a beautiful note the following week.

I started violin at what my students consider to be the ripe old age of 7. I was not a Suzuki kid but rather took “traditional” lessons and studied at the New England Conservatory Preparatory School. Although no one told us about the Suzuki Triangle (student-teacher-parent), my mother was a huge part of my violin studies and attended lessons as my note taker and practice partner until I was about 12. Here’s a brief Q and A with my mom where she talks about some of her memories of my violin journey.

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Q. What was the reason I started lessons?

A. Because you wanted to. When your brother started trumpet you wanted to play an instrument too and the only instrument I knew that was small enough was a violin. I told you that and you immediately said you wanted to play violin. I thought, yeah, sure, that won’t last. But you asked me for a month nonstop, “when are you going to find me a violin teacher?” so I finally took it seriously…

Q. What was the biggest misunderstanding you had about how the lessons/practices would go?

A. I didn’t know that I would be so involved. And I didn’t know there would be tears. So many tears.

Q. What was the most helpful thing my teacher ever told you?

A. She told me a lot of helpful things that were really about life. She told us that in every piece there is a part that takes much more time to master than any other part and I think about that often– there are aspects of every challenge in life that will take longer to overcome than others. It’s to be expected and accepted. Also, when I asked her why you had to play in recitals instead of just playing “for yourself” she explained that music is to be shared and we always have to think of an audience and how to help the audience enjoy the music. She was very clear that you should always be playing with the musical interpretation you want to express or else you’re not really practicing.

Q. Were there times I wanted to quit? Were there times YOU wanted me to quit?

A. More than once when you were in tears I would tell you that you could quit and you would sobbingly say, “no, no! I don’t want to quit!”. Looking back, I think the temper tantrums were really frustration over difficulty rather than any desire to stop playing the violin. What you really were hoping is that I could somehow solve your difficulties, which, unfortunately I could not.

Q. What helped us through those times?

A. Nothing I can think of now, other than talking to other parents and learning that at least some of them were going through the same thing– I had thought we were alone and that no one else could be having these same kinds of struggles. Knowing we were not alone was very helpful.

Q. Did I always like to practice?

A. No, you didn’t like to practice. But you would. You had a clear understanding that you could not improve without practicing. At the time I was trying to learn how to play guitar and I recall saying to my cousin, who is an accomplished guitarist, “I don’t want to practice, I just want to be able to play guitar”. He looked at me as if I were crazy and said, “everybody wants that!” For some bizarre reason, I had thought that was an unusual desire…

Q. Was there a point when it became clear to you that it was all worth it?

A. Yes, absolutely. Many points. There was never a time I thought it wasn’t worth it as much as I had questions. I think I always saw a value that just because clearer and clearer. The discipline and focus you learn is invaluable. And the experience of playing in orchestra was really a highlight. The value of making music together with others was always clear to me. When I look back on my childhood my school band memories are among my happiest and you were obviously the same– you thrived in orchestra.

Q. How did you see my musical education as affecting the rest of my life?

A. It was invaluable. Particularly in adolescence to have a focus outside of yourself is crucial. Your brother also took music lessons [trumpet] and did not become a musician, or even pursue it after high school, but the experience was nevertheless invaluable. Plus, it brought me a huge amount of pleasure!

Q. Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

A. Yes. I wish I had found a way to be more peaceful and not get so engaged in struggles during practice.

Q. What’s the worst fight you remember having with me about music?

A. Oh man… there isn’t any one that stands out. But there were definitely some very unpleasant times– when I was near tears myself. I wish I had done a better job of helping you.

Q. What’s the best time you remember having with me surrounding music?

A. There were lots of good times. I think orchestra was definitely a really lovely time. Everything about that experience including the driving [one hour each way every Saturday, even on holiday weekends!] was a great time to have together. In fact, sharing all of your music experiences, including learning how to interact positively with some very demanding teachers, were really meaningful times to have together. Then there were all the concerts we attended together and the recordings we listened to and studied. I didn’t even like solo violin when you started…and now the violin repertoire includes some of my most favorite music. Your musical experiences definitely enriched my life, no question about it.

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Here I am, age 10 or 11, practicing while my mom video taped. Things start out ok but you’ll soon see how I react when I can’t get the sound I want. Mom must have encouraged me to slow down and the next section is pretty successful until… you’ll have to watch and see. But I kept working, through the frustration, and it didn’t sound half bad by the end!

Helping you navigate your child’s musical journey and stay on course throughout all of the many ups and downs of the trip is a core part of our school’s mission. While everyone’s journey is unique, many of the wonderful and challenging aspects of music study are familiar and shared by all of us who have traveled this path. This year we will be sharing a series of articles featuring our instrumental faculty and highlighting the struggles and joys they shared with their parent partner as they were growing up and studying music. This month’s faculty feature is on our director, Ellen Silver.

It was interesting to talk with my mom about what it was like being the parent of two Suzuki kids 35 (!) years ago and see if it can offer us any guidance as parents of music kids today.   I was not a “typical” Suzuki kid, as I started cello at school in fifth grade when a string instrument was offered to every student.  I chose cello because my younger sister in 1st grade had been chosen by lottery to play Suzuki violin in a new program, and I didn’t know what the viola was!  So that left the cello.  I learned to play simple songs pretty quickly through the traditional approach of reading notes, although my bow hold and playing position were pretty terrible, as pointed out by my Suzuki cello teacher who I started with beginning the following summer.

How did music impact our family’s life growing up?

Music was the focal point of our family life growing up.  With classes for both my sister and I, we spent almost every day of the week at either lessons, group classes, recitals, or orchestra or chamber music rehearsals.  My mom said that many of her happiest memories of our childhood are of the musical things we did together as a family, such as the four summers we drove from St. Louis to Steven’s Point, Wisconsin for a week-long Suzuki institute that we spent all summer reviewing and preparing for, to the years of special winter weekends and Saturday recitals, waiting to hear our friends perform our favorite advanced pieces.  As we got older, youth orchestra became a very big deal, with my mom bringing home the recordings of the pieces we were learning from the library and playing them for us for weeks.  A huge highlight was getting to see the Japanese tour group of Suzuki students play in Powell Symphony Hall in St. Louis.  We were all in awe as we heard the advanced pieces played by such young kids all in matching outfits!

What was it like having two kids in the family studying music?  How did you  find time to fit in practicing with us?  When did we practice and how did we manage to keep it up with all of our schoolwork?  

My mom said it was really wonderful having two kids playing different instruments.  We competed for her attention every night after dinner when we both got up from the dinner table and grabbed our instruments, jockeying for a turn to play for her.  The natural competition between us worked to keep us playing for a long time, taking turns back and forth while the dishes sat on the table and my mom listened and mostly praised us for our efforts.  Then, of course, we also loved to take each other’s instruments and try to play the pieces that were unique to each instrument.  This is how I learned the second part to the Bach Double and my sister learned Breval Sonata and annoyed each other in the process as only siblings can!  I also remember standing next to my sister with a tennis racket and chopstick, shadowing her violin playing exactly with all of the correct string crossings and bow levels…. so much fun, I wish we had a photo of that!

How was I to practice with?  Did I take your suggestions well?

My mom and I both remember that she was very encouraging of my playing and reminded me of what we had worked on in my lesson from her spiral note pad that she took notes on during our lessons.  I mainly remember her pointing out that my bow was almost never on “route 3” as it was usually drifting over the fingerboard.  I hated to be reminded of this, but it is surprisingly one of the things I still have to pay attention to in my playing today to get a really ringing sound.  I also remember that I didn’t like to be told to fix or focus on something WHILE I was playing, because I felt like I could never hear exactly what my mom said and just wanted to finish the part of the piece I was playing first and THEN find out what she was telling me to work on. This is something I struggle with as both a parent and a teacher, how to stop myself from interrupting when kids (especially my own!) are playing to give a suggestion that feels like it can’t wait….

More of Ellen’s story coming soon…