Silver Music

 

Note-Taking at Lessons

Note-taking–in almost any context–is one of those activities that seems quite simple in theory. Most adults have been asked to take notes throughout their lives: in classes at school, in meetings at work, in completing errands and writing reminders at home. All of us are attached to our phones, so even in the absence of pen and paper, we are equipped with tools to record information.

In practice, effective note-taking can be more complicated. In real time it can be challenging to discern the most important details and write in a manner that will be comprehensible to you (or another person) at a later date. Moreover, sometimes note-taking feels at odds with actual engagement. Is it possible to process information and document information at once?

At Silver Music, we ask parents to attend lessons and take notes. Most of our students are learning the Suzuki method which specifically outlines the teacher, parent, student relationship and stresses the value of the parent taking notes to enable them to guide the practice sessions at home. Most of our parents are not musicians so the information they receive in the lesson may be completely new to them and at times, likely overwhelming.

To our Silver Music Parents:
Having a strategy for taking notes will allow you to feel present at the lesson and reliable to your future-self during the week as you attempt to reiterate points from the lesson during your child’s practice.  Below are two articles that outline plans for taking notes, and we’ve pulled a few quotes that are particularly helpful to keep in mind.

How to Take Notes by Alan Duncan, parent of a Suzuki violin student
-“Sit in a spot in the studio where you have a good view of both your child and the teacher. In a way you’re physically modeling the “Suzuki triangle” of teacher-student-parent, right? The more aware you are as an observer, the more useful information you will take home.”
-“Your teacher has a plan for the lesson; and more likely than not, it unfolds in pretty much the same way each week. You can make your work of note-taking easier by coming up with a sheet with headings that mirror the same structure.” (For example: Tonalization, Review, New Repertoire, Other)
-“The assignments should be easy to identify during the lesson. As a dutiful parent, your ears will perk up when you hear “This week, I’d like you to…” This is your cue to pay close attention. What measure? How many times? What does a successful repetition look like? If it’s not clear ask for clarification at an opportune moment.”

Note Taking Strategy by Michelle Drake, parent of a Suzuki guitar student
This article recommends photocopying the music beforehand to allow you to write directly on the child’s music while taking notes. The comments on this article may also speak to you as there are further suggestions and advice from other parents.

Feel free to video-record parts of your lesson too. (It can be daunting to have to only dictate instructions for an aural art form!) Your child’s teacher may have additional helpful advice for taking notes too, and we would of course love to hear from our parent community about other tips and tricks for recording info from each lesson. Feel free to comment below!

Parent Facebook Group

Silver Music Instrumental Parents!

We have a new closed Facebook group for parents to find resources and connect as a community.

You are welcome to pose a question/issue you have experienced as your child’s practice partner, offer advice, or share a recent accomplishment! We are excited to hear from you and help you navigate the joys and challenges of your child’s musical journey.☺️

Click Here to join!

We are also on instagram @silvermusicnyc if you’d like to see what we are up to by browsing our photos and stories.

Parent Classes with Shelly Macdonald

NYC Spring 2017 Workshops

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen &
Listen So Kids Will Talk

(Based on the bestselling books by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish)

NYC Classes begin April 25!
Daytime and Evening Classes available 
All classes are held at Silver Music

Learn strategies to create more joy and ease in your home!

Silver Music parents who register early receive $50 off tuition! See code and registration information below.

During this small-group, six-week workshop, plus a bonus seventh week review session, you will learn powerful communication skills that make life with children easier and more satisfying.  Each week, we’ll walk through a new skill set that will provide you with the know-how to be more effective with and connected to your children.

By the end of the workshop, you will have the tools to:

  • Discipline without hurting or alienating
  • Cope with your child’s negative feelings
  • Engage your child’s willing cooperation
  • Help your child develop a realistic and positive self-image
  • Foster an atmosphere of love and respect
  • Resolve conflicts peacefully

NYC workshops will be held on the following dates and times:

Tuesday evenings:  4/25 – 6/13, skip 6/6 (seven weeks)
includes Bonus Review Class on 6/13!
Time: 7:30pm – 9:00pm
Location: Silver Music, 218 West 72nd Street, #2FW, NYC
Fee: $575 per person. $525 if you register by April 1 with discount code “Silver” 
Register now for Tues. pm

Wednesday mornings:  4/26-6/7 +  Bonus Review
Time: 9:30-11:15am
Location: Silver Music, 218 West 72nd Street, #2FW, NYC
Fee: $575 per person. $525 if you register by April 1 with discount code “Silver” 
Register now for Wed. am

This class is appropriate for parents of toddlers through teens. We cover simple (but not always easy!), yet highly-effective communication skills applicable to parenting through class exercises, discussion, reading, and ‘homework’ (i.e. practicing at home), and demonstrate how the skills can be used in age-appropriate ways. Many participants happily report the skills have also improved their adult relationships!

Class size is small (no more than 10 people) which allows for individualized coaching from Shelly and a powerful group dynamic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Workshop is facilitated by Parent Educator and Coach, Shelly Macdonald.

Shelly has been practicing and teaching the How to Talk skills for over 10 years. She is passionate about sharing the “Good News of Parenting” and helping parents foster the next generation of human-kindness.

Can’t make the class due to your schedule or location? Shelly also offers private coaching via phone or internet. To schedule a session or inquire about coaching, please email Shelly directly at shelly@shellymacdonald.com.

TESTIMONIALS
“I got so much out of these classes and found them to be the most helpful support I had found since I had kids. In addition to impacting my parenting, the workshops influenced my teaching as well. I am so happy to have this resource for parents right here at Silver Music.”
-Ellen Silver”Shelly is a gifted moderator, listener and coach and I can’t recommend the Workshop enough.”
-Kate C.”Since taking Shelly’s class, I have become a more joyful and present parent and I wish all parents could learn her techniques. Thank you, Shelly!”
-Nancy D.

“I took Shelly’s class because a mother who had such a positive experience brought her child for a visit and I began inquiring about the dramatic difference from his previous visits. I was so struck with how good the kid was, I began researching and registered for the first class with Shelly I could get myself into.”
-Julie L.

Parenting Classes

We are thrilled to be hosting another session of Shelly Macdonald’s parenting classes at Silver Music this spring! Shelly will be conducting a seven-week workshop guided by the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. Classes will meet at Silver Music’s 72nd St location on Thursday mornings beginning October 1st.

CLICK HERE to sign up for her Thursday class!

See Silver Music testimonials below or visit Shelly‘s website, apparentlove.com for more information!

“I met Shelly when we were both parents of young children at The Weekday School, and then participated in two workshops with her a few years ago, both the How To Talk workshop, and then theSiblings Without Rivalry workshop. I got so much out of these classes and found them to be the most helpful support I had found since I had kids that really impacted my parenting and teaching as well.  I cannot recommend this class highly enough and am so happy to have this resource for parents right here at our school.”
~ Ellen, Director at Silver Music 

“Before I took Shelly’s class I sometimes felt like my household was spiraling out of control.  Shelly has become a mentor for how I would like to parent my children; with compassion, patience, empathy and grace.  She was so helpful in dissecting tricky parenting scenarios and coaching the class through hurdles no matter how big or small, giving tactical advice that was easy to execute.  Since taking Shelly’s class I have become a more joyful and present parent and I wish all parents could learn her techniques. Thank you Shelly!”
~Nancy, Silver Music Parent

“The Faber & Mazlish books ‘How to Talk’ book and ‘Siblings Without Rivarly’ were first recommended to me by my twins’ pediatrician when I requested some quality parenting books. When they were 3 months old I skimmed ‘How to Talk’ and it seemed to make sense. Fast forward 2 years and the tenets of the book were a distant memory and I felt the need to better prepare for what comes at ages 2… and 3…. and beyond. When I got an email about Shelly‘s ‘How to Talk’ workshop I signed up immediately. I wasn’t quite sure why I felt so compelled, but I knew that it would be time well-spent. The workshop immediately helped me listen differently — to my kids, my husband, myself and even my own parents and siblings. I heard things that I liked and represented our family values, but also heard a lot of language that I didn’t expect and didn’t like — ignoring feelings, comparisons, bribes, threats and labels. I felt empowered to make changes and throughout the course I have learned, practiced and embraced new language and new tools. At times the results have been immediate and astounding — a real win! — and others have needed repetition and finesse to make it sing, but each lesson has opened my eyes and ears. From acknowledging feelings, praise and encouragement to cooperation, independence and roles — the workshop gets to the heart of so many parenting challenges and helps embed the tools in your muscle memory. Shelly is a gifted moderator, listener and coach and I can’t recommend the Workshop enough.”
~Kate, Silver Music Parent

The Third Side of the Triangle: Parent-Teacher Teamwork!

The Suzuki Triangle, the metaphor for the connected relationship between Student, Parent, and Teacher, is properly drawn and envisioned as an equilateral triangle–the equal importance of each relationship is at the heart of the metaphor.

equilateral-triangle1

As our focus is naturally drawn to the child, the part of the triangle who we see as the primary actor, our geometry can be distorted and our triangle skewed:

triangle07Similar to the relationship between parents, the relationship between the two adults guiding your child’s Suzuki journey will directly and indirectly affect the trajectory and quality of the trip. So how do we keep our triangle in shape? Here are a few tips:

  • Communicate about the process
    • It’s invaluable to teachers to hear from you about how practice went each week, what type of stumbling blocks you might have encountered, whether emotions were running high, or what might be particular points of tension. It’s also extremely helpful if you can share information about your child from other activities such as motivational techniques that work for homework or struggles they face in school. You see your child everyday, we see your child for less than an hour a week, fill us in!  Don’t be afraid to be really honest with your teacher about practicing, whether it was a good or bad week (we’ve all been there!).
  • Reconsider making requests for lesson content
    • After you tell us about that tantrum your 5 year old threw on Thursday night, please don’t follow it up with the suggestion that if only the next lesson included the piece your child really loves (or that his friend is playing in group class, etc.) the tantrums would be avoided. We rely on you to let us know your observations about your child’s behavior, but you have to trust us to find the best method to address those frustrations. You are in the trenches with your child while we have the overview and experience to plan the best strategy.
  • Prepare your child for the lesson
    • Besides from daily practice, there are a number of things you can do to prepare your child for their brief weekly time with their teacher:
      • Bring all of the materials your teacher has requested (practice sheets, music books, hand outs, video camera, etc.)
      • Arrive at least 5 minutes early to allow your child time to use the bathroom, wash her hands, have a drink of water, and mentally prepare for the lesson.
      • Make sure fingernails are cut short.
      • When possible (i.e., not to the detriment of others in the waiting room), unpack before the lesson door opens.
  • Inquire respectfully about make-up lessons and schedule changes 
    • Keep in mind that music lessons are “non-durable” goods. Your child’s time slot is reserved for your child, even when you aren’t able to use it, it can’t be resold. This means that very often in order for your teacher to give you a “make-up”, she is actually offering you a pocket of her own free time without compensation.  At times, this is appropriate and part of our policy, but please be aware that there are strict limits for make-ups and that even when a make-up is due, be aware of how you speak about it. Work with your teacher to find a time that fits conveniently in her schedule.
      • Do show advance planning, awareness of our one make-up per semester policy and consideration for what will be best for the teacher:         “… Unfortunately we have a conflict on April 8th and won’t be able to make the lesson. Can we use our one make up for that day? Is there another day or time we could schedule a make up? What days are best for you?”
      • Don’t show misunderstanding of our 24 hour notice policy and demand instead of ask:                     “We won’t be able to make it to the lesson today, let us know when you can make it up.”
    • Under no circumstances should you ever contact another teacher to give your student a lesson while your teacher is unavailable unless this has been suggested and prearranged by your own teacher.

If you ever have questions about what your role is in the triangle, or how to better communicate with your teacher, just ask! Shinichi Suzuki said, “the fate of the child is in the hands of the parent”, heavy stuff… but we’re here to help navigate that responsibility so make sure to give some time and thought to the third side of the triangle–it can be your solace and support.

Dos and Don’ts for Parents

We really appreciated Sara Marie Brenner’s post, To Do or Not to Do: For Parents, the dos and don’ts of private music lessons. If you haven’t read it, you can check out the full article here. Below are some of our favorite points paraphrased and expanded on. Let us know what points really hit home with you!

How to support your child’s musical journey…

DO:

  • Make it clear that music lessons are a long-term process. Both you and your child should avoid framing this as an activity you are “trying out”. That would be like planting a seed in March and then just “trying out” gardening until May. Hang in there, and the fruit of your labors will come.
  • Focus on the quality of practice, not the quantity. Life is busy, kids’ attention spans are short—make sure to get the most out of each minute of practicing by putting the most effort possible in. See Less is More for more ideas for quality practice.
  • Be physically present when you are practicing with your child. The worst memories people (including professional musicians) usually have of their parents and practicing is being yelled corrections from an adjacent room. Make the time to literally be there for your child and the quality and tenor of practice will dramatically improve.
  • Put the Suzuki CD on every day! If this isn’t easy for you, investigate why and see if you can find a way to make it easier. Do you need to set up an in home stereo system? Upload the music to your phone? Put speakers in the kitchen? This can be the easiest part of practice, so it’s worth putting the time in to find a way to make it work. If you’ve listened to your CD a zillion times and your kid needs some variety, buy the CD that goes with the next few books and mix that in. For more on the power of listening, read here and here.
  • Be your child’s cheerleader. Music lessons are hard and music teachers can be demanding. Your most important role is to let your child know that you have unconditional love for them and unsurpassable belief in their potential.

DON’T:

  • Don’t threaten that you will stop lessons if they don’t practice. There are very few children (statistically insignificant) who have developed the ability to consistently carry through with long-term goals on their own. It is your job as a parent to help teach them this skill. There may come a time when your child truly doesn’t have an interest in playing their instrument any longer, but this is something that can best be determined with serious, compassionate conversations with your child and their teacher, not with threats.
  • Don’t correct your child during a lesson. It is very important to enforce the concept of “one teacher at a time” and respect the relationship between your child and their teacher. If you have a concern that was not addressed in the lesson, ask the teacher about it directly.
  • Don’t except your child to be grateful for your sacrifices. Gratitude for the ability to play and enjoy music will come much later, along with adult maturity—don’t expect it from anyone under the age of 18.

 

Tips For Making Practicing More Fun!

Tips for Making Practicing More Fun (It’s not cheating to have fun!)
Ideas Submitted by Teachers AND Parents

–1 Star/2 Star/3 Star Practicing
Stickers can go a long way in terms of motivation. Have your child decide what kind of practice session he or she would like to have (depending on how much energy they have, how much time, etc…). One Star practice where they focus on one issue versus Three Stars where they tackle a lot! You can keep a sticker chart so they can watch their progress.
–Practicing Candle
Version 1: Light a birthday candle while your child practices. Keep practicing until the candle goes out!
Version 2: Buy a tall candle in a jar. Light it every time your child practices and blow it out when they complete a practice session. You child can watch his/her progress by seeing the candle descend to the base.
–Give choices
Often times, children just want to feel that they are being heard. Give them a choice in their practicing. Do you want to practice in the living room, or in your bedroom? Do you want to have your snack before you play, or after?
–The Workout
Have your child pick one aspect of technique on which to concentrate (or look in the notes from the most recent lesson. Set a timer for 3 minutes. Allow them to focus on that aspect for the 3 minutes while playing review pieces, then stop. Then move another part of your practice.
–Grab Bag
Take a stack of index cards and write activities on each card, both instrument related and otherwise–jump up and down 5 times, play Song of the Wind, blink your eyes twice, play 5 4th finger exercises, give your teddy bear a hug, etc. Then let your child pick a card at random and as you go through the stack the “hard” practice demands will be interspersed with silly and fun moments.
–Imaginary Friends
Sometimes you need to think outside the box when offering instruction. If your child is raising her shoulders, ask her to imagine a dragon sitting on her shoulder and not to disturb it! If your child is forget to lift his hands off the piano at the end of a piece, tell him to pretend his hands are butterflies taking off!
–Moving M&Ms
Put two plates in front of your practicing child, one with M&Ms (or Skittles, Cheerios—something desirable!), the other empty. Set a goal for your child’s practice session. Every time they complete a task towards that goal, they get to move an M&M to the empty plate. Let them have all the M&Ms they’ve earned at the end of the session!
–Pass the Quarter
Sit opposite your child while they practice with a quarter between you. If your child follows instruction or does something positive in his playing, pass him the quarter. Offer feedback on his playing. If he feels you are offering helpful advice, he may pass you the quarter. If he thinks you are being too critical, he can take the quarter back.
–Discuss vs. Play Block
Somewhat similar to “Pass the Quarter” in terms of giving the child control of the situation. Create a sign, or block, or some visual with two options. One option is “Discuss” the other is “Play”. If you child would like to play uninterrupted, he will choose to use the “Play” visual. If he would like to have a discussion, he will indicate using the opposite visual.
–Constructive Practicing
As your son or daughter completes tasks in their practicing, construct a visual. Try completing a drawing of a face by adding one feature for every repetition of a piece or section. This could also work with building Legos, stacking blocks, etc.

Know a successful game or technique not on this list? Please submit your idea in the comments section, or to silvermusic@silvermusic.org!

Practicing Workshop Followup

What amazing parents we have at Silver Music! Our Practicing Workshop on 2/27 was a huge success thanks to the thoughtful questions and advice shared by attending parents and faculty. If you weren’t able to attend the workshop, take a look at our notes! Be sure to also check out our Tips for Making Practicing More Fun which lists ideas by parents and teachers for more enjoyable practicing.

Questions
1) How often should I expect my child to practice?
We recommend setting up a routine where your child practices every day—even if the length of practice time is very short. If you make practicing part of your child’s daily routine, it removes the option to not-practice, and establishes structure. Do not feel that your child must be practicing for a set amount of time every day. If they have a focused practice session that lasts 5 minutes, do not push them to do more. Always encourage ending practice on a high note! See our Tips for Making Practicing More Fun.
2) How do I motivate my child?
Every child is different and some motivational strategies will work really well for some kids, but not for others. Here are some options we’ve found to be successful with a wide range of children:
-Make it a game: Adding an element of play can work really well for many children, especially younger ones. Having something set up so that the student can visually assess their progress is also helpful, such as a star chart, practice candle, or adding pennies to a jar for a completed practice session.
-Video-Tape: We recommend video-taping your child, too. This is beneficial for children to become their own teachers– hearing and seeing what they are doing well and what can be improved. Some students also enjoy being video-taped because it adds an element of performance to an ordinary practice session!
-Attend Live Performances: Watching other musicians or older students perform can be incredibly motivating! Take your child to a faculty recital or an orchestra concert so they can see where private study can lead.
-Listen to Advanced Suzuki Pieces: You can play ahead on the Suzuki cds to motivate your child. Your child might be inspired after hearing what’s to come!
3) How do I balance the practicing habits of both my children?
It is an extraordinary amount of work being a parent of two or more Suzuki children. Older, more advanced siblings can inspire a younger sibling to progress. The opposite could occur as well. Sometimes the less experienced sibling feels intimidated. If this is the case, find a way to make the less advanced child’s playing experience unique. The beginner sibling could work with a separate teacher, or have an older student practicing alongside. We recommend choosing a different instrument for siblings.
4) How do I maintain my child’s progress/motivation during the summer months when he is not studying privately?
Here video-taping can again be beneficial. Some students who take the summer off will have their last few lessons video-taped, with additional material presented for future practice. There are youtube videos that are helpful to watch too (see Resources), and lots of listening that can be done! Using your Reading Book, or extra etudes is great practice and will not interfere with learning the standard repertoire. There are also Suzuki Institutes which offer programs during the summer. Silver Music also offers violin, cello, and piano camps during the summer.

Ways to Curb Frustration
+One point at a time: Edmund Sprunger, author of Helping Parents Practice, gives an analogy of offering too many critiques: “Many children have simply been given too much too soon. It’s like shoving an entire apple into their mouths. An apple is a great piece of nutrition but when it’s shoved into a
child’s mouth, the child can’t make use of it.”
+Repeat Things that Went Well: We often focus on mistakes and problems when practicing. But sometimes it can be incredibly beneficial to acknowledge positives points, and enforce them through repetition. The point of practicing is not necessarily “to get better”, it is to make playing easier!
+Ask Leading Questions: Instead of telling the student what was good or bad, ask them, “How did that go?” “What was something you did really well?”
+Transfer Responsibility: See if you can remove pressure from the whole child and instead isolate a body part or a part of the instrument. Instead of asking the child, “Did you remember to curve your pinky?” Say, “Did your pinky remember to stay curved?” “Did you bow remember to stay by the bridge?”
+Just Watch: Sometimes it’s helpful to just watch and not comment. If you are a Suzuki alumni, you know what it was like to practice with your own parents. Think about how you felt as the student.
+Address New Material Immediately: If your kid has something difficult or new he learned in a lesson, make sure he or she practices that material right away. It is more frustrating to try to remember how to do something new after a few days have passed between the lesson.
+Record Issues: We have one parent who has an entire album of videos she has recorded during new or difficult points of learning during a lesson. When her child is practicing, she can refer to them to assist.

Resources Discussed
Abby McHugh-Grifa—find her cello practice videos on youtube!

The Practice Shoppe-Ideas and free downloads!

Stay tuned for additional workshops in the future!

Practicing…let’s make it easier!

We had a wonderful time chatting about practicing with our amazing parents who came out to Max Cafe last night! If you weren’t able to make it, notes from the evening will be posted here soon. We hope to have many more similar discussions in the future, and in the meantime we’d like to offer this blog space as a great way to stay inspired, not only by reading our thoughts but by sharing your own. Please jump into our discussions in the comment space, let us know what you think–what works, what doesn’t, and if you have any questions. We’d also like to invite you to be a guest contributor to our blog! Send along a short post about a great practice discovery you’ve made with your child and we’ll throw it up on the site, complete with pictures if you like, or totally anonymously if you prefer.

To start us off, I’d like to share with you a fun practice game one of my parents recently showed me:

Take a stack of index cards and write activities on each card, both instrument related and otherwise–jump up and down 5 times, play Song of the Wind, blink your eyes twice, play 5 4th finger exercises, give your teddy bear a hug, etc. Then let your child pick a card at random and as you go through the stack the “hard” practice demands will be interspersed with silly and fun moments of relaxed enjoyment with your child. Tailor it to your child’s age and interests and give it a try this weekend! Let us know how it goes.